Five Myths About…Male Submission
1. There is one way to be a male submissive – There isn’t. Just like any other type of kink, submission exists on a spectrum. Men want different things from their dommes. It can be as simple as the chance to provide service during a designated time to sissyfication to extreme sadism. As with any other kink, communication is your friend. Just because I am a domme does not mean I want to do all the kind of domination you want. Domination (like submission) is not a one-size-fit-all proposition. Just like a domme should not push a sub into experiences they do not want, the reverse is true.
2. Only wimps are submissives. This gets back to the myth of masculinity and what society thinks it should be. Indeed, I find most male submissives when outside the submissive role are leaders, strong and assertive. They are managers, men from the C-Suite, husbands – they are men with a lot on their plate in their everyday life. Being a submissive allows them to shed themselves of those burdens, to serve in the way they choose and to get in touch with parts of themselves that are not acceptable to show in their every day.
3. The relationship becomes unequal. It can be easy to think in a relationship where a man is the submissive that he would be treated as a doormat. And to be honest, I have seen this – but this isn’t the way it should be. Subs and doms should be partners first, and their kink roles should come second. (I will interject here to say that I know some couples, especially in the slave/Master community, that live their kink 24/7. This does not mean they do not have healthy relationships, it just means they have achieved a balance they are comfortable with in their life.) A good way to approach it is to look at submission as a sexuality. You should not be treated different because of your sexuality, and the same goes for the sub/dom roles. Respect the submissive sexuality, whether it is male or female, and treat them like humans first and subs second.
4. Male submissive are closeted homosexuals. – Not by a long shot. Exploring sexuality and the different ways to express that desire does not negate your sexuality. Specifically, it can be hard for some females to accept that their men would like to be pegged, or dominated. It can lead the partner to start question the sexuality of the male. Again, we go back to our perceived notions of masculinity.A man who wants to have experiences outside the hetronormative should be celebrated! Many men find their dominant outside of their primary relationship for many reasons, but fear of rejection is a big one. Even though they do not question their masculinity and the desire for submission, others might, and this leads them to having their desire filled outside of their primary partner. Depending on the situation, this can be both healthy or unhealthy – situations differ. How can you tell the difference? (Guess what I am going to say? Yep.) Communication.
5. A dominatrix can make all your submission fantasies come true right away – This one is to all the males who may have fantasies about male submission. With pom-poms and ecstatic cheering I encourage you to find someone to explore those fantasies with, in a safe and sane manner. Here’s where I caution you, however, to separate your fantasy from your reality. You may get excited at the thought of crawling on the floor for a dominatrix, but the reality can be taxing and not all that sexy. Start slow, with an experienced domme or dominatrix, and work up to the more ‘extreme’ levels (if you want to). Do not look up your nearest dominatrix on the internet (shudder) and ask her to tie you down and use a whip on you (ouch!). There are many great ways to play out your desires, and even ways to get to those edge play scenes you want – just take your time. Too many males who first act out their desire for submission go all in, and get turned off by the taxing level of play extreme submission takes, or perhaps the reality is gritty and dirty and they prefer a softer brand of submission. Take it at measured pace, and enjoy every moment.
This is one of those subjects that begs a part two, and I think that will certainly happen. In the meantime, if you have any questions about male submission or any of our posts, don’t hesitate to reach to us.
Until next time, keep talking the taboos!