I’ve tried not to wade into the 50 Shades of Grey debacle. It just seemed like to easy a target, but with the movie release imminent, I can keep silent no longer. Here are 5 Lies 50 Shades of Grey told you about sex.
- 50 Shades is a representation of a BDSM lifestyle. – No. A thousand times no. Just because you spank someone or tie someone up, does not mean it is BDSM. Christian Grey manipulates Anastasia into a BDSM relationship without educating her about her choices – that’s abuse, y’all. Not only that – he crosses lines that would be unacceptable in the BDSM world – ignoring her safe word, stalking, and more.
- Then it’s a power exchange relationships. – Still no. Just stop, you’re embarrassing yourself. A PE is entered into carefully by all parties, and care is given on such a precarious relationship. Again, don’t spank someone and call it BDSM – sometimes hitting to get yourself off is still abuse.
- It’s love! – If this is what love is, I will pass, thanks so much. Christian Grey is manipulative asshole, and would be drummed and banned from any BDSM community. If he didn’t have money, his abuse would be clearer. Except rich people are ‘eccentric’ not ‘abusers’ I guess. And Anastasia is ‘submissive’ and not a ‘victim’.
- She totally wants it, so it’s ok! – How could she know? She is a virgin who is manipulated into a faux-BDSM relationship without experiencing sex first. No one explains to her what is going to happen, what her rights are, and some things she should do to recognize when a partner is crossing the line. Christian refuses to allow anyone to help her learn, because knowledge in this case would be power for her to realize what is going on, and he needs to prevent that. Oh, and he’s rich.
- It’s erotica! – There is so much good smut on the internet, please go find it. This is not it. The writer based this book on the Edward and Bella tropes of Twilight and their unhealthy relationship. (Everyone by now knows that this started out as Twilight fanfiction, putting Edward and Bella in alternate universe from the one they were originally written for. Who knew they would suck in any setting. [[raises hand]]). Erotica is sexy, it does not put kinks in the frame of some childhood trauma – cause that’s not sexy. GET THEE TO A THERAPIST! Plus everything sexual and kinky is treated as embarrassing. Not sexy. If you can’t have a healthy and open relationship about sex, you can’t have healthy sex, and you certainly can’t write about it.